Paris parted ground by Toluwani P4. Bankys Schl Abuja, NigPARIS WAS A
VERY BEAUTIFUL PLACE,
EVERONE WANTED TO LIVE THERE. BUT THEY TOLD THEM THAT THEY SHOULD NOT GO
TO A PARTICULAR PLACE, BECAUSE THE GROUND IS PARTED. THEY CALLED IT WISE
GROUND, BECAUSE IF YOU GO NEAR THE GROUND, IT WILL OPEN UP AND SWALLOW YOU. EMILY DISOBEYED HER PARENTS INSTRUCTION
NOT TO GO NEAR THE WISE GROUND, SHE WAS CURIOUS AND WANTED TO SEE HOW THE GROUND PARTED, SHE WENT NEAR IT
AND THE GROUND SWALLOWED HER UP. HER PARENTS BEGAN TO LOOK FOR HER, IT WAS IN
THE NEWSPAPER THAT A YOUNG GIRL NAMED EMILY WAS MISSING. THEN HER PARENTS
REMEMBERED THAT SHE TOLD THEM THAT SHE WAS GOING TO HER FRIEND ALICE HOUSE.
THEN HER PARENT
WENT TO ALIC`E
HOUSE, TO ASK IF THEY HAD SEEN EMILY, ALICE SAID YES, SHE CAME TO HER HOUSE TO INFORM HER THAT SHE WAS GOING TO
THE WISE GROUND, I WARNED HER BUT SHE WOULD NOT LISTEN, SHE LEFT MY HOUSE AND
WENT TO THE WISE GROUND, THE GROUND HAS SWALLOWED YOUR DAUGHTER, ALICE SAID.
9 comments:
Dear Toluwani, it's wonderful to read your piece in 100wc 19. Your first time out is fair but please take note of your spellings in subsequent ones. Keep pressing on. This is a great effort.
Hello Toluwani,
This is a wonderful entry for your first 100WC. As a member of Team 100WC, I have visited and commented on many stories and many prompts.
What a tragedy for a family to lose their daughter in such a way. If Emily had listened to and obeyed her parents this wouldn't have happened. Your story can teach others a lesson about disobeying. Well done!
Just a couple suggestions...
You don't need to use capital letters throughout your story. Secondly, the 100WC challenge has a word limit you should try to stay within. I know that can be hard. I also like to write and often go over the limits. I then reread and edit my story until it is within the limit.
I hope you keep entering the 100WC. If you are in the group I check, I would be interested in seeing more of your great ideas. :)
@RossMannell
Teacher, NSW, Australia
I think you have done a really good blog post keep up the excellent work.
Wow Toluwani, this is an amazing piece of work. Your ideas are so unique!
Wow! This is such a great story, I don't know where to start. You have even got a moral in. Well done!
GOOD DISCRBING WORDS
That is a fantastic story! I really enjoyed reading it. I would like to hear some of your other stories in the future Toluwani. It sounds like you spent a lot of time on this.
Wow! That is an amazing piece of writing.It has great use of commas. You have used your imagination to create a great effect to the reader. Keep it up.
Hello Toluwani!
Welcome to the 100WC! I thought your story was quite scary and very sad. I do hope you will join with the 100WC again.
It was so good to see your school today!
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