Tuesday 20 March 2012
The dangerous spider by Promise J P3B
A woman was celebrating her fiftieth birthday , she bought a birthday cake with fifty written on it .she walked carefully while bringing in the
cake but someone pushed her down and she was so angry that she
did not know when a spider bit her on her leg the leg became swolen
they took her to the hospital she ended celebrating her birthday in the
~
hospital
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3 comments:
Promise dear, this is another creative writing, but you need to work seriously on your punctuations especially when typing.
For example, it sounds better to have your story read like this: "She walked carefully while bringing in the cake, but someone pushed..." "...on her leg. The leg became swollen. They took her to the hospital. She ended..."
Keep writing, you have great potentials.
Hi Promise - and well done for your 100wc this week! You used the prompt words well to create an interesting piece of work. How unusual to have to celebrate a birthday in hospital - I hope it was still fun.
I agree with Mrs Bankole that you need to do a bit of work on your punctuation. Really make sure that you think about where full stops and commas should be.
Keep blogging - I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Mr Kenyon :-)
www.ashclassgreenfields.blogspot.com
Hi Promise- I really enjoyed reading your 100wc! I wouldn't like to spend my birthday in hospital, Would you? I agree with my teacher Mr Kenyon that you need to work on your punctuation a bit, but other than that a great piece of writing!
Molly from Ash class in the UK! :-)
www.ashclassgreenfields.blogspot.com
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