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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

The tiny little man by Destiny P5

In a faraway town called Green Town. It was a beautiful town because its always green and clean. Everyone loved living in Green Town. One day, a tiny little man showed up and everyone was happy to have a new person come to their beautiful town. They all welcomed the new person happily and nicely. Everyone loved his coming. One day he was going to see one of his friend, he never knew that there is a diversion on the road and caused his car to tumble and explode with him in the car. He was rushed to the hospital. One of his friend played piano for him, everyone was sorry for the tiny little man. A few weeks later, he was discharge from the hospital


Anonymous said...

From Mrs Neale Team 100WC

Destiny, this is a super piece of writing for the 100WC. You have a very clear beginning, middle and end with good use of adjectives to decribe the town. You have used wow verbs like tumble, explode and rush to add effect too. I enjoyed the happy ending, the beautiful setting and a feeling of happiness for the townsfolk. The different ways that you have used to begin sentences adds interest too, well done.
At the beginning of your story you have three short sentences, all about the town. Could you think of a way to combine them, perhaps beginning 'Everyone loved to live in the faraway town of Green Town because...'
Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing!

Anonymous said...

Yo guys, its Josh from England and I go to Rhyddings High School. Thats a really sad story I hope that little man gets better from exploding!